February 11, 2011 by olivere7
I turn twenty in April. 20. Big deal, right? The twenty year-old mark doesn’t come with any new perks, and generally speaking is NOT considered a landmark birthday.
But I turn twenty in April, and it’s a big deal to me. Twenty means that I’m not a teenager anymore, and it’s time to re-evaluate some aspects of my life. My goals have always been clearly defined… sure they change occasionally, but I have always been able to identify who and what I want to be with no issues. Goals = not a problem. However, with those goals come a whole lot of fear.
Spiders, losing loved ones, failure… those are all pretty normal fears. I can’t pick on myself too much for those ones. I mean, who in their right mind ISN’T afraid of crawly eight-legged creatures that drink blood, losing friends and family, and falling short of their goals? Like I said, normal.
However, I have one fear that I personally think qualifies me for the loonie bin. I’m afraid of the dark. Yep, 19 (almost 20) years old, and I sleep with a night light, won’t go outside alone after the sun sets, and literally sprint if I absolutely have to go through a dark room.
To me, the dark represents the unknown. We have no way of knowing who or what lurks outside our homes at night (thanks a lot, CSI). That freaks me out. Even more so, the unknown variables of what COULD happen in the future, what MIGHT interfere with my goals, the POTENTIAL outcomes… that’s enough to make staying in bed all day seem like a great option.
Of course, I force myself to deal with it. When that doesn’t work, I cling to my night lights, the people that listen to my fears and tell me it will all be okay. Thanks to night lights, fears are overcome, and goals become attainable.
Now if someone would just shoot the dang boogeyman outside my window.(Note: Several of my human “night lights” still laugh at me for being afraid of the literal dark)